your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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