Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we made out on top of his cat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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