She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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