bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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