i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
