wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
