i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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