so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
