i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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