I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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