Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
