dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
