the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
