Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
