and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
