So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
