Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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