We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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