Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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