what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Welp...herpes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
