just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
