This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
