When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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