Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
