honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
