i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
