the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
