So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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