Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
