whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
