I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
