Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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