R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
