I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
