i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
