just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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