I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
soo... how was my night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
