youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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