please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
