YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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