I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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