And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
