I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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