Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
