Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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