That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
