Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
