I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
