Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
