Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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