life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
