so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
