In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
